Wellness, But at What Price

so like fifteen minutes ago i was sure i was having an appendictis. well, actually i was sure i wasn't, but getting very worried.

after having spent friday night on the phone talking with a new friend and consuming too much of an old one (molson ice),

i woke up saturday morning feeling less than well.

you know that phlegmy thing that goes on in your throat right before you get full on sick? that's what i had. coughing and weezing and generally not liking having my eyes open.

so in my thirty years so far spent as being a human on planet earth, i've developed a technique for staving off disease as i feel it beginning to attack.

Orange Juice. lots of it.

pathmark brand, from concentrate orange juice. that's important to note, so that you know i'm a humble sort of person who buys the store brand because it's cheaper.

so in my sage attempt to thwart the evil germs brewing inside me, i drank pretty much the entire half gallon of pathmark brand orange juice in less than a twenty four hour period.

now you see, i very seldom get sick. it's easy to do when you have little to no human contact. i work at home and pretty much have no real friends.

however, fate stepped in to foil my carefully engineered plan to never get sick again. enter, my older brother. who has a regular i go out to work and hang around other people everyday job. not to mention living breathing friends, with little kids no less (those little bundles of disease).

instead of his usual monthly visits, for the past month he's been here most every night. him and all the germs he's picked up from work and friends and their sniffly little offspring.

me thinks my degenerated immune system was doomed. so what choice did i have, but to try to save myself by consuming inhumane amounts of vitamin c and potassium via pathmark oj.

the orange juice sorta worked. i'm much less phlegmy today, sunday.

seems i've traded my possible cold for an appendicitis.

no. as it turns out. no surgery required.

just as everyone's always suspected of me. i was just full of shit.