What's the Date?

once every lunar cycle or once a week, whichever comes first i go food shopping with my mother.

i'd really rather not go, but she doesn't drive and we live in the land that public transportation forgot.

for the most part, our trips to the supermarket consist mainly of making snide remarks about oblivious old persons and decrying the constantly rising cost of food. but every once in a while between those two such noble activities we occasionally pause to gather acutal food stuffs.

see now, my mother is totally obsessed with the dates they put on food packages. even though for most of her life none such dates existed, except for milk and cream.

invariably, anytime i reach for any product, she cries out, "what's the date?" just at that moment when my flesh first comes into contact with the package.

i usually reply by saying date this bitch i haven't had the chance to look yet.

if it's food she expects to eat, the expiration date must be at least a month away for yogurt. at least a year away for cereal and frozen foods. however, if it's something only i would eat, a few days will do. before or after.