Deep Thoughts: May

may is a hard month for me. may always seems to bring out the worst in me. they say depression is cyclical and i believe them. whoever they are.

i saw in some movie once, i don't remember which, that when all hope is finally lost, that's when you're truly free.

theoretcially it makes sense. but practically i've never reaped the rewards.

i've never had hope and yet i've always felt imprisoned. by my skin. by my lungs. by everything that convinces those around me i still exist.

only i know i don't.

only i feel the guilt when i want to rob them of the me they thinkt they know and suppose they love.

they don't know any such paths. any such pitfalls. and i'd like to keep it that way.

for as long as i can.

but may, may makes it harder to do anything other than think about myself.

may is an atom bomb and i am hiroshima.

there will be survivors. but they will surely be maimed.


  1. It's most likely Survivor ending the season that causes your sadness to grow.

  2. wow... thanks. now i'm cured!!! oh happy day.

  3. Glad I could be of some help. I usually charge you know, consider it a favor, but you owe me one.


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