Deep Thoughts: One Moment of Happiness

i'd just finished watching the episode "when she was bad" from the second season dvds of buffy the vampire slayer and i guess all their triumph and comradery and general perkiness throughout all that doom must've gotten to me.

because it suddenly occured to me that i possess only one truly happy moment in my 30.666666 years of life.

all right, there was one other happy moment, on my 8th birthday when i got the crayola deluxe atrists caddy i'd been dying for.

but that's not the story i'm going to tell, since really that's all i remember of it.

the truly happy moment. the happy moment that wasn't happy just because i got a really cool gift that i was too young to ever buy for myself. i'm thinking now, that crayola thing doesn't even really count.

so moving on to the non-monetarily induced happiness...

again it was my birthday. far from the 8th, it was the 29th. a monday. september 15, 2003. as i recall it was a temperate sunny day. i go food shopping and later out to dinner with my mother on mondays. so we were gone most of the day.

when we came back home, my mother went to retrieve the mail. i'm at the car trunk unloading shit. then i turn my head and see she's carrying packages. gift-wrapped packages.

i'm thinking, what the fuck, the mailman gave me a birthday present. we have locking condo mailboxes.

there were two gifts. both in matching girly type wrapping paper and each with big giant poofy pink bows. oh, and a card.

turns out, scoots had stopped by to give me these gifts he'd gotten for me, but i wasn't home so he talked the mailman into putting them into our mailbox for me to find.

i don't know why, but finding those gifts there, was just such a wonderful surprise. totally and completely unexpected. and very, very touching. i mean, i didn't cry or nothing, but i did sport a big ol' grin for the next several days.

it wasn't the gifts. though they were nice. nothing expensive. a charlie brown book and a pocket size tranquil thoughts book.

it's just that at that moment, for some reason, with the surprise of it all and the love scoots written inside the card, and the beautiful wrapping, just for that one brief and shining moment i actually believed, even if only briefly, that someone loved me.

how's that for a run-on sentence?

and yes buffy fans, it did cause me to lose my soul.


  1. Awesome memory.
    Truly awesome moment.

    I hope Scoots knows.


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