Deep Thoughts: This Will Change Your Life

as i was reading the tv guide for the ninetieth time this week, i noticed for the twentieth time a full page ad for the apprentice series finale. on the right hand side of the ad was a list repeating many times the phrase "you're fired" then a line break and of course only once, the phrase, "you're hired".

i looked at the list for a second and then began counting the occurences of the phrase "you're fired". exactly sixteen times. one for each contestant which must be fired in order to end up with only one left to hire. coincidence. i think not.

ok, no wait, it just occurred to me, sixteen (and i counted several times, had my family members count even) "you're fired's", would result in every contestant being fired. which is what we all know, mr trump really wants.

yes, these are the things i do with my time.

on a related mathelogical* note, i have been conducting my own carefully controlled, very scientological** and exciting experiment. the experiment is to determine whose spam protection is better: yahoo mail or google mail. and the results i have so far, though very premilinary, are quite shocking indeed.

yahoo mail is ahead by 0.9%

i know. i know. this is life altering information. but try to stay calm. i assure you the world is not coming to an end. not just yet.

please try to remain calm and have a look at the data.

my yahoo mailbox: spams relegated to the bulk folder: 226, spams not caught: 24.

my gmail: spams in the spam folder: 78, spams not caught: 9

obviously i get way more mail in my yahoo box, so to be fair, one must use a percentage of missed function. now comes the mathelogical part i mentioned earlier.

24 x 100 / 226 = let's see, add a few zeros, carry the remainder, get a life, and voile, the answer, rounded to the nearest tenth is 10.6% spam missage for yahoo.

78 x 100 / 9 = um, zero, zero, 9 into 78, move the decimal point, get a life, and we come up with 11.5% spam missage for gmail.

ideologies have been shattered. lives forever altered. hearts broken. gods dethroned.

i expect mass suicides as a result.

life as we know has ceased to exist.

* mathelogical is not a real word
** scientological, also not a real word