Deep Thoughts for Day: Cowards

dearest people who read my blog,

i don't understand why you do. what compells you. in a way, i don't want to know.

in another way, i urgently need to know. what do you see in me that requires more than one visit.

i really need to know. because, myself i don't see it.

is it the can't look at, can't look away paradigm of a train wrehk? rubber necking at the wreckage?

no, i suspsect you are better people than that. even if such does have its allure.

it's the undredog syndrome, isn't it?

will she drown. will she make it to shore.

i can assure you, i have no intention of heading toward land. i shun it as i must. because i must buoy myself. for how long i can remains to be seen.

i'm haunted by the people i once knew who now read my blog. because i wish they woulda read all those other things.

because i want them to read me. not my blog.

because i've said so many things they just didn't see fit to hear. and now, out of the blue, what i put to print matters. has some meaning.

why didn't it matter then?

when i really needed it to matter.

why does it only matter after the fact? when i've long since given up on it meaning anything?

it's easy to love me after the fact. after you know i'm no longer needing that.

it's easy to care when i don't anymore.



  1. I read it because you say some pretty insiteful stuff that I connect with.

    So there.

  2. You may not need the adoration, but you'll receive it just the same. I read because you write. And what you write touches something inside me.

  3. and sometimes it scares the hell out of me

  4. you guys are too kind.

    and SJ, i have that effect on most people ;-)

    rock on with your bad selves/blogs.

  5. I read because I feel compelled to. Because what you write is like looking into a window on the dark side of my soul. The darkness blooms in us both, only you embrace it and I bury it. And yes, I care. Perhaps that makes me a fool, to care about someone 3000 miles away, someone I've nver met, but who feels like family of the mind anyway. I've never related to my blood relatives, anyway.


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