Deep Thoughts: Sadness Vs. Depression

a lot of people preceive me as sad. sad meaning in a state of sadness. something grieving me. inhibiting my ability to feel contented with my life.

other people will label me depressed. a clinical term for someone who's defective brain is causing them to have abnomral thoughts and feelings.

i am neither of those things.

to be sad would require me to infact feel sadness. which i do not.

to be depressed would mean i'm at the mercy of my unstable brain and liable to do something irrational at any moment. i feel completely rational and in control of my own actions. i am not 'afraid i might hurt myself' as i so vividly remember one very clinically depressed mental patient telling me during my stint in the looney bin.

truth is i hurt myself everyday. just subtley. i hate to draw attention to myself.

what i am is just someone who has a different viewpoint. i don't think life is a gift from god. i don't think it's a gift at all. burden, it seems, is a much more appropriate term.

true there are good moments. there can be happiness. but does it ever last? don't we end up paying threefold or more in grief for the little chunks of joy we're alloted.

when i look around at the world. when i observe, listen to and/or read about people, i don't see happiness. i see two kinds of people. those who are hanging on for better days which might never come. and those who are languishing in better days gone by.

the ratio of joy to pain in most lives is bearable at best.

i just can't help thinking it just isn't worth all the struggle we go through trying to extrapolate the meager amounts of happiness we get out of these otherwise self-defeating lives.

not sad. not depressed. just tired.


  1. hey.
    it seems that the only joy we might ever find is in the world around us. not the people.
    *words from a hippy ;)

  2. All that was said in "Deep Thoughts: Sadness vs Depression" I have felt and believed in entirety, however, now (at least most of the time) I do not believe them, nor feel them; I only have the memory of them being truth.

    To my understanding there is nothing wrong with deep thought, however our minds are capable of great conviction, this must not outweigh the truth of life.

    Tired is what I became when I let myself be, sad is what I was in trying, calm is what I am in the practise of logic and a little faith (ie irrationalism!).


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