Deep Thoughts for the Day: Deprivation

and so i wait. longer now. still doing what i do every night. only starting later. finishing later.

i've always been good at waiting. or not so much good at it, as compulsive about it.

in a way, i like to wait for whatever it might be that i desire. to deprive myself for as long as i can stand before i finally seize it. if it is in fact, seizable.

sometimes i can force myself to wait and revel in the anticipation for a great deal of time. others i can't hardly wait at all. and dive right in almost instantaneously. that's not so say i didn't wait. just that i couldn't bare to wait very long at all.

deprivation has always appealed to me. back when i was younger and jobless i'd use sleep deprivation like a drug. 36, 40 hours without sleeping. i once had a who can go without sleeping the longest contest with my father. i won. through sheer stubborness i won.

i'd spend all those hours awake scribbling crappy poetry and watching various incantations of star trek on basic cable.

back then, if i couldn't sleep, i liked it. looked forward to it even.

now sleep is all that i covet. i wish i could sleep all the time. and will procure it by any means neccessary.

so much for waiting. but deprivation still prospers in a virtual plethora of forms.

there's so much to want. so little to need. but they make love secretly while i'm so busy waiting and they breed offspring that are neither and both.

and i wait. just as i always have. but no longer attempt to seize.