Deep Thoughts for the Day: Secrets

a couple of people i actually know read my blog. or once knew. am estranged from them now. there are some others i know from online. some very cool others. but i'm talking specifically about people with whom i've been intimate. people who've witnessed me naked. people with whom i've shared deep, dark, drunken secrets.

everytime i see them there in the traffic stats i do one of two things. sometimes i say howdy (yes out loud) to the screen, others i wave. as if they're actually still there. really there. and not just an ip addresses logged in statcounter.

in some ways, it make me feel good to know they come back every once in a while, even if only, just to see i'm still alive.

in other ways, it makes me feel sad. that they would watch me regularly from this safe distance and yet never try to make real contact again.

but that's probably my fault. it usually is.

you can't blame me for being who i am. or can you?

secrets. they're mine. they're yours. they're ours. they're no one's.

the secrets we keep they tend to keep us.

song lyrics for the night:

Trans-Siberian Orchestra; Beethoven's Last Night

'I'll Keep Your Secrets' by Paul O'Neill

(it's better with music, but...)

LOST IN YOUR DARK
I SEE YOU THERE
WHAT DO YOU SEE BEYOND YOUR STARE
AND YOU BELIEVE THAT NO ONE ELSE CAN KNOW

WHAT IS THIS THING YOU KEEP INSIDE
OUT OF THE LIGHT AND WRAPPED IN PRIDE
ALWAYS AFRAID THAT ONE DAY IT WILL SHOW

I'LL KEEP YOUR SECRETS
I'LL HOLD YOUR GROUND
AND WHEN THE DARKNESS STARTS TO FALL
I'LL BE AROUND THERE WAITING
WHEN DREAMS ARE FADING
AND FRIENDS ARE DISTANT AND FEW

KNOW AT THAT MOMENT I'LL BE THERE WITH YOU
WHAT ARE THESE VOICES THAT YOU HEAR
ARE THEY TOO FAR OR FAR TOO NEAR
WHAT ARE THESE THINGS THAT ECHO FROM THE PAST

WHO ARE THESE GHOSTS YOU SEE AT NIGHT
THERE IN THE SHADOWS OF YOUR LIFE
THEY ONLY LIVE BY THE LIGHT YOU CAST

I'LL KEEP YOUR SECRETS
I'LL HOLD YOUR GROUND
AND WHEN THE DARKNESS STARTS TO FALL
I'LL BE AROUND THERE WAITING
WHEN DREAMS ARE FADING
AND FRIENDS ARE DISTANT AND FEW

KNOW AT THAT MOMENT I'LL BE THERE WITH YOU

I'LL BE AROUND
WHEN THERE'S NO REASON LEFT TO CARRY ON
AND EVERY DREAM YOU'VE EVER HAD IS GONE
AND THE DARK IS DEEP AND BLACK WITHOUT A SOUND
AND EVERY STAR HAS BEEN DRAGGED TO THE GROUND
KNOW AT THAT MOMENT I WILL BE AROUND
KNOW AT THAT MOMENT I WILL BE AROUND

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