Deep Thoughts: Monopoly

i thought i might write an email. one of those meaningful emails. a few actually. but instead, i just kept to myself.

am so used to doing that.

it's a funny thing. you get so comfortable just being alone, that even remote contact begins to feel like a daunting task.

for a long time i've thought about how i differ from those who are contented with waking up every morning. thankful another day has been alloted to them.

i've tried to discern why i isolate myself. and why i am isolated by.

why words are my chosen friend. and why beer tastes so good to me.

why the music can't start early enough or end late enough. and why it is the music that it is.

why i leave them before they leave me. or why what they're willing to give is never sufficient.

people, i've noticed have things they want. goals to which they aspire. a spouse. a family of their own. a house. a car. a particular vacation. a hairstyle. fake nails. an outfit.

but solitude has held such a strong monopoly over my life, i can't recall a single moment in the course of my life when i've whole-heartedly wanted anything other than a get out of jail free card, if you know what i mean.

Comments

  1. I too enjoy the beer.

    Let's enjoy one together.

    ReplyDelete
  2. solitude threatens me everyday.

    i prefer it.

    but only brings me deeper into its abyss.

    i do not want to drown.

    i want to breathe.

    the air of purity and peace.

    it is there; beneath the bricks of my being.

    it fights. struggles.

    flails its arms for rescue.

    who will come. who will watch.

    alone. surrounded by hands.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Set a place for me at the table, I won't be hungry anymore." Your get out of jail free card reminded me of that line.

    I do not like being alone. Maybe because I grew up alone and saw how many people and how much love everyone else had in their lives. TV always had people that hung out all the time and were close. I have one brother who's much older and was off in college when I was young. My parents both worked until late at night each day I came home. I've always wanted more people in my life.

    ReplyDelete

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