Deep Thoughts: Mothers

some news someone revealed to me recently. imagine that. i know someone. and they revealed something to me. are pigs now flying?

anyway, this news, it inadvertently exhumed a corpse in my head. i was maybe 22/23 years old. it was during the apocalypse of my parents' marriage when i, by default, became my mother's support system. at some point, at some 3am french toast session at the 'crystal diner', she revealed to me a secret abuse which made all the other abuses seem mild.

he made me get an abortion. i was pregnant and i didn't want to. it was into the 3rd trimester before we knew and i didn't... and he just hounded me and hounded me until i couldn't take it anymore.

we had to drive all the way to maryland to get it legally. i didn't want to. but he...

and there i was, the older sister of a ghost. i didn't think much of it then, except how much i disliked him and how sad it was for her.

but later on i'd wonder would it have been a girl or a boy. what kind of an elder sibling would i've been. how would my life have been impacted. all our lives. financially, emotionally, fundamentally. what kinda person would it have been. or have changed in us. how different life almost was. for better or for worse. we'll never know.

anyone who knows me, and some who don't, know i'm 110% pro choice. choice being the operative word. and said choice belonging solely to the woman. because you can be a great guy or you can be the scum of the earth, but regardless, you'll never be a mother.

and you'll most certainly never be a mother from whom that choice was stolen.


  1. I am at a loss for words for this post. Maybe because it reminded me of my most recent decision.

    Thank you for sharing.

  2. Very poignant. Gave me goosebumps.


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