Deep Thoughts: Straining

is it crazy to try to stay friends with someone after you've been their accomplice in the breach of fidelity. it sure sounds crazy.

i wanted to at first, but i was depressed at the time. and people don't appreciate depression outside of the written word. and i don't really blame them. it's annoying.

i wanted to later, but was feeling smug and stubborn. cause i didn't need him anymore.

when he showed up on my blog i gave in and tried again. and i was not disappointed.

and then something fired in my brain. some isolation mechanism. and unkind things were written. as i'm given to do.

it's almost as if i seek to find only to lose it all over again.

like my hands are sieve and as tightly as i can cup them, it all runs through nevertheless.


  1. Once you have hope you get expectations. The expectations give you more hope so that you're even happier, but if they are not met you get down. Even though you're in a better place than you were before, you get upset because your expectations aren't met.

    People build up assumptions based on what they would expect of themselves, but we're all different. We have to maintain very open minds to keep relationships working.

  2. Perhaps the problem lies within your fear of the other person leaving, and hurting you again.
    You seperate in order to feel in control of something you see fated to happen again; and being in control of that gives you a small token of appreciation in life, where with him ending the inevitable, you would just be miserable.
    Or, perhaps I am wrong . . .


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