Deep Thoughts: Back to a Reason

what's your reason?

"got to get back to a reason. got to get back to reason i once knew. and this late in the seasons. one by one distractions fade from view. the only reason i have left is you."

i think back to all the things i used to busy myself with. tell myself were reasons to keep doing what i was doing. savatoons. illustrations. short stories. trying to get published.

it's not that i really think anyone has a reason, but we do create them. and when they're gone we flounder. we wonder where they went. why they left us. or if we've misplaced them. reasons. they're just dreams that happen when our eyes are open. because nothing matters, but everything does, if we want it to.

savatoons still lingers at the spot it was first born, but hasn't been updated in god knows how long. illustrations, occasionally one happens, but it's rare. short stories. i've written several. even a few good ones. but i can't even plot my own life. how can i be expected to plot the lives of others. and getting published. ah, well, strictly speaking i already am, thanx to the internet. and if i wanted to. if i had the patience. i could literally publish myself at lulu. but that would be a lot of editting and tedium.

there actually have been many requests at my poetry site for a book to purchase. and i'd love to do that if i could only muster the engery to weed through all that writing and all those typos to somehow piece together something remotely coherent. any volunteers for editor in chief?

so i think getting back to a reason doesn't really mean going back and finding what you loved before. i think it must mean moving forward and finding something which draws you onward.

because whether you left it behind or it left you, there were reasons. reasons you're better off not getting back to.

*quote lines from the song Back To A Reason by Savatage; album Poets and Madmen

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