Deep Thoughts: Losing Nothing

dear mcdoofus,

i see you visit this site every so often. and i regret the fact that i couldn't care enough anymore to do what was best for you.

the money was fine and i probably shoulda been more pragmatic. just done what i had to and taken what i got.

but everyday i care less and less about anything. even moreso when it doesn't care back.

and that's what happened. i did what i did because i cared. not because of the checks. because i wanted you to be okay. and your income to be secure. and for you not to feel worried.

because, truth be told, it was a major hassle. electronics have endless descriptions which are not fun to format.

i'd like to be able to say it was all worth it. only it wasn't. cause all i ever got for it was money.

and that was never what i wanted.

what did i want? just a friend. after everything had been rubbed and touched. and nothing meant what is was supposed to. that's all i wanted. and wanted to be.

but all you ever wanted was an employee. in every respect.

it took a long time for me to realize everything i was losing was nothing. but eventually i did. and you never tried to convince me otherwise.