Deep Thoughts: Inside It

how straight are the shadows as they filter in through half naked windows. in the night. with those moving strobe lights scurrying all about. searching for people and places, though it's not what they really want to find.

how harsh is the cut from light to dark. as the moon moves like a blade through the sky. cutting open every cloud. bleeding every star. while from below it falls on us, everything they've lost.

i can feel it in the pull of the stairs as they coax me down. and in the huff of my hamstrings as they shove me back up them. in the chatter below as my silence is broken. in the thuump of the speakers as teh bass escapes from the rear ports in their backsides.

what's never heard. what always is. the backdrop to every moment. the paranoia that it's leaving. the certainty that it has.

everything that comes near. everything that comes back again. i push it away. unable to trust in those who wish to know.

everything that leaves. everything that never returns. i want it.

it's an easy manipulation to go from wanting what you can't have to not wanting anything. it's a maze that finished in a prison. labyrinth of sself-destruction of carefully manicured hedges that reveal nothing of what is lost within.