Deep Thoughts: Leaving

i haven't said anything. anything at all since i don't know when. so that whenever i want to say something, i keep it in. sure that if i should let it out it would scream so loud they'd all be broken by it.

sometimes i imagine it. the words i would use to speak about. and even in my mind the rage erupts. i know it would. so i contain it. push that cork deeper in as i feel the liquid pushing toward the surface.

it's lonely in here. in this bottle like this. all sealed up. telling yourself one day you'll open, but knowing you won't. not until the moment that you shatter and everything kept inside explodes. and all the pain you meant to spare them is delivered tenfold.

i don't want to hurt anyone. except myself. and with that i've succeeded. if only i could get across to them how they hurt me. but i can't. not without the anger. the rage.

given the choice. i'd rather be the one to suffer. it's what i know. it's what knows me.

they don't know me at all because i've made it so. they don't listen because i can't speak.

and i find myself wanting to leave them too. the only two people in the world i have left. i'm making strangers of them. because in truth, that's all they've ever really been.