Where?

it's funny how when your 'friends' are still interested in having sex with you they're much better friends then than they are when they're not interested anymore. maybe it's just me. yea, i'm sure it's just me.

other people, they build relationships. make unions. me, they just pass through.

transparent. tracing images from underneath. carbon copies of what life might have been. if i were someone else. anyone other than. this satire of a person.

it's funny how many years of your life you can waste trying to figure out how if they said this they still did that. not that i had anything better to do. and i guess every one of them knew that. i couldn't hide it. it was a neon sign on my forehead. i have nothing. i don't need anything. so here's your smorgashboard. devour as much as you can. i won't last.

it's not like i wanted to be hurt. i just wanted to feel something. even more, to be felt. to know that i was still alive by the other lives i could touch. only it made me feel even more dead somehow.

it's not like i wanted to live the dream or ever thought i could. or that it was even a dream of mine. but i never realized i'd have anything to lose from all those moments i'd never possessed.

how can they take from me now when they never gave me anything.

how can i close my eyes and not see. how do i sleep and not dream of. i never wanted anything, until what i wanted was within my grasp.

i never had a plan, but by the plan i was had.

how can there be anything to lose when i've never had.

where do they go when after the pleasure has erupted and i'm left in the ash.

where? where do they go then?

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